Everyone has strong ideas about the holidays. We all grew up with certain traditions at this time of year, and for many of us, it wouldn’t be the holidays if we didn’t (fill in the blank). Problems can arise, however, when flatmates have strong ideas about what makes Christmas the holiday that it is, and your flatshare can become a combat zone more than haven of holiday joy.
There’s truly no need for this. Christmas can indeed be a time of peace and good will toward all men (and women) in your flatshare. Rather than seeing differing ideas about Christmas in a negative, judgmental light, spin the variety of notions about the holiday into a bracing diversity that will make your flatshare hum this season.
For instance, one flatmate might think that mistletoe has to go up and used as an excuse to smother a girl he fancies with kisses at the holiday party. Another might insist on a real tree with all of its wonderful scents and needles. A third might believe that egg nog must be consumed on a daily basis in your flatshare, washing down a fruitcake made from a recipe that has been handed down for generations. Don’t like fruitcake or egg nog? Prefer a less messy artificial tree? Someone is going to have to compromise, but when all do, your flatshare will be a much a happier and festive place.
Here’s the clincher: those who come over for holiday fun will have different ideas about what comprises Christmas and what does not. When they find a diversity of rituals, food and drink in your flatshare, they will be much more able to find an activity or foodstuff that delights them as well. Everyone wins!
When that holiday party date rolls around, some of your guests will be thrilled to have the chance to kiss under the mistletoe during your flatshare’s party (people plan for this sort of thing, trust me). Others will squeal with delight when they see a real tree (their room buddies insisted on a store-bought fake). Still others have been longing for egg nog but know that they can’t drink a half-gallon themselves, so they haven’t got round to buying any yet.
This type of sensitivity and appreciation for diversity must extend throughout your flatshare, even if your flatmates are not from a Christian background. In fact, such understanding of the feelings of Muslim, Jewish or other flatmates from a different religious background is essential to live up to the holiday ideal of “peace on earth,” as the angel proclaimed at the birth of Christ.
Many flat mates from different religious heritages will not be offended by the celebration of Christmas in your flatshare; they probably will thoroughly enjoy the holiday atmosphere, especially if you put a present for them under the tree. It is advised, however, to talk through their feelings. Christmas can be an especially tough time for Jews, for instance, who can feel completely left out of their own culture as “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” is shouted from the housetops. Your flatshare should evidence much more sympathy for people in that situation.
Similarly, the holidays bring a torrent of emotions to some flatshares for different reasons. Some people feel a true emotional void over the dysfunction of their own families or the loss of a loved one during these special weeks of the year. They, too, will probably benefit from a frank discussion of how they feel. Once they get their feelings out in the flatshare, you can go on with your celebration and have a clear conscience as you respect their desires for an appropriate celebration.
For instance, if your flat mate lost his mother last year around the holidays and she always stuffed a stocking for him, you will score huge points by filling a replacement and keeping the warm touch of Mum alive in your flatshare.
Yes, it’s best to talk through all of the issues that can arise during the Christmas season in your flatshare. Throw out the questions: “So, how do we want to celebrate the holidays around here? What decorations or traditions mean ‘Christmas’ to you?” Once you have tabulated the results and planned a decorating scheme sure to win the building’s top prize for your flatshare, you can get on with the fun unique to this great time of year.
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